Is Homosexuality a Choice?

Some theories on sexual development claim that homosexuality is developed after birth as a result of a person’s environment. While some theorists have suggested that homosexuality is genetic and can be traced to a specific gene (see What does science say about homosexuality?). However, most researchers, have come to the conclusion that sexual orientation is likely determined by a complex interaction between a person’s genetic make-up and their environment

Environmental factors such as a child's relationship to his same-sex parent or peers, and the presence of sexual abuse or molestation can affect sexual development. However, it’s important to understand that there are an infinite number of circumstances that can influence whether or not someone experiences homosexual attractions. Not all LGBT people have suffered from poor same-sex relationships or been victims of sexual abuse.

It’s also important to understand that nobody initially chooses to be homosexual, although many people are now in the process of changing their sexual orientation through various religious organizations and counseling programs.

While some mental health organizations, such as the American Psychiatric Association, have said that changing one’s orientation is “risky,” others, such as the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality, have successfully treated many clients with unwanted homosexual attractions. These people are sometimes referred to as ex-gay.

What causes homosexuality?

The human brain is far too complex for there to exist a simple answer to that question. However, the combination of psychology and human experience have made some interesting discoveries about the development of sexual orientation.

Some people who experience homosexual attractions report poor relationships with their same-sex parent while growing up. Since this relationship is generally a child’s primary means of identification and affirmation from his or her own gender, its absence can create in a child an unconscious drive for gender identification and affirmation that follows them into adolescence.

This unconscious drive for gender identification becomes eroticized (turns sexual) as a person develops their sexual identity. By the time a child reaches adolescence, he or she may experience sexual attractions for members of their own sex.

According to psychotherapist and author Richard Cohen:

A woman is looking for her mother’s love in the arms of another woman and a man is looking for his father’s love in the arms of another man.

Of course, there are many variations to this scenario. Some children may have had an excellent relationship with their same-gender parent, but experienced rejection from their same-sex peers, or been molested by an older male figure. Anything that is done to create a sense of disconnection between a child and his own gender can cause homosexuality.

This includes:

*Rejection from one’s parents or peers.

*Sexual molestation.

*Over-identification with one’s opposite sex parent, or any form of over-identification with one’s opposite gender (i.e.-a boy who enjoys playing with “Barbie Dolls” more than “G.I. Joe” for an extended period of time).

In general, there are two emotional needs that, if gone unmet, can contribute to homosexual development. (It’s important to realize that no single unmet need will guarantee homosexual development; rather, it is the combination of unmet emotional needs that can cause homosexuality.)

*Need for the same-sex parents love – physical and emotional closeness with one’s parents/caregivers during the formative years of development.  

*Need for gender identification – awareness of one’s own masculinity/femininity.

Many people who experience homosexual attractions report feeling “different” for as long as they can remember. Often, this is used to support the rationale that homosexuality is genetic. But a more likely reason for this is that the foundation for homosexuality is laid at a very young age.

According to Richard Cohen, “Ninety percent of the brain develops by the time we are three years of age.”

Do people really change from gay to straight?

Yes.

Thousands have changed from “gay to straight” and experienced significant changes in their attractions towards members of the opposite sex.

Recently, some psychologists have said that the process of change may be harmful. But many psychologists disagree. For example, psychiatrist Dr. Robert Spitzer, after completing a study of former homosexuals, said:

Like most psychiatrists, I thought that homosexual behavior could be resisted--but that no one could really change their sexual orientation. I now believe that's untrue--some people can and do change. (To be fair, we should mention that Spitzer does not believe all homosexuals can change).

Dr. Robert Kronemeyer has said:

From my 25 years’ experience as a clinical psychologist, I firmly believe that homosexuality is a learned response to early painful experiences and that it can be unlearned.

How do people change?

In some cases, homosexuality is caused by a lack of affirmation and acceptance from one’s own gender while growing up. In these instances, change requires the retrieval of these characteristics later in life.

Dr. Elizabeth Moberly writes:

Homosexuality…needs to be solved through relationships. The solution of same-sex deficits is to be sought through the medium of…non-sexual relationships with members of one’s own sex.

Jason Thompson, who grew up with homosexual attractions, writes:

For years, I tried to hide my growing emotional insecurity and my secret attraction to men. I knew I couldn't tell anyone...

I had a dream that I was involved in homosexual behavior. I woke up scared and confused. After that, I recognized a strong desire to be physically close to my male peers. I felt there was something very wrong with me.

Later on I learned that I did not have to be gay. My homosexual desires began to fade away as I reconnected with my own gender through close, but non-sexual friendships with other men.

Another important healing tool is touch. Affirmation in the form of non-sexual physical touch can be a very effective healing tool for individuals who are struggling through unwanted homosexual attractions. When you consider that physical touch is really the only tool we have to receive love from our parents during the first few years of our lives, it only makes sense that people who feel disconnected from their same-sex parents are often the same ones that didn't get touched much during their formative years.

If you are experiencing homosexual thoughts, whatever the reason may be, there is an intense and deeply rooted drive to be close to members of your own sex; but the original drive to connect with your own gender in non-sexual ways is still there. The challenge for you is to learn how to spend time with your same-sex peers without sexualizing your thoughts toward them.

When you learn to connect in non-sexual ways, you can recover what was lost when you were younger. The ability to do this may take some time and effort to develop. But a genuine desire to change and a strong support system can overcome all obstacles!

For more information on the process of change, visit Recommended Reading.

Last Updated 4-4-06

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